Today's Reason to Drink
Articles
Drink Your Way to Health!
Work Out Secrets Revealed
So far in this column I’ve taught you some excellent methods, utilizing alcohol, to better yourself physically. Yet I sense that...
Xmas Shopping for Winos
The holiday season places a heavy burden on our scarce organizational resources.
The simple task of evaluating holiday invitations and culling those that do not...
Drink Your Way to Fitness!
Do your friends call you a fat drunken slob? Do you wake up in the afternoon and drink out of shame? Well stop drinking...
Here’s How to Make a Fucking Bloody Mary
I wasn't aware until fairly recently that there are some people out there—grown-ass adults, even—who have never had themselves a Bloody Mary.
That's wrong. And...
Paradise Lost: The Tiki Experience
Every man, whether he knows it or not, feels some primordial attraction for the allure of paradise.
After all, down the centuries the world’s major...
Boozing with the Band: Vadge Moore and Matt Skiba
Esoteric writer, punk rock legend, and drunkard of extraordinary prowess, Satan's drinking buddy Vadge Moore waxes intoxicated on the beauty of booze.
First taste from...
Be Good or Be Gone: The Legend of McSorley’s Old Ale House
“What do you mean you’ve never been to McSorley’s? Geez, Tom. I thought you said you were from New York.”
It was a phrase I...
When Booze Ads Go Bad
I've Trained It to Go Right for the Eyes.
Probably the only instance in advertising history where the customer is menaced with a bird of...
Booze Is My Copilot
Lately, many of my friends are airline pilots. And airline pilots, as everyone knows, are drunks.
These friends aren't the bad kind of drunk...
Boozer Madness!
The mouse who roared
Well . . . maybe he is a twit. He certainly looks like an asshole. That’s the beauty of alcohol, giving...
King Con
Brian Brushwood practices a trade that could perhaps best be described as “benevolent deception.”
As the writer and host of Revision3's Scam School show, Brushwood...
Drunken Treasure
There is enough 150-year-old whiskey resting underground where the old river queen sank to get 130,000 people pie-eyed. It's worth five million dollars, and...
The Sum of All Beers
It's early Sunday morning and I don't know who I am.
I don't mean that in any existential kind of way. I mean I don't...
How to Perpetuate the Weekend Getaway
There comes a time in every man’s life when he suddenly realizes that he has entered a new phase.
He finds himself in his thirties,...
The Art Of Getting 86’d
We all hate that guy.
You know who I’m talking about: The guy who tries to make time with your girlfriend, knocks over your drink,...
The Martini
Gary Travis picked up his pace.
The wind was up and a fast chill was sweeping into the night. He would be early for...
Solutions to All of Life’s Problems
The Problem
The Drink
The Solution
You lost your job.
Brutal Hammer
1 part cheapest vodka
1 part cheapest burgundy
Cynically throw in
a few ice cubes.
Drink ten of these and pass...