Modern Drunkard Magazine

Work Out Secrets Revealed So far in this column I’ve taught you some excellent methods, utilizing alcohol, to better yourself physically. Yet I sense that...

The holiday season places a heavy burden on our scarce organizational resources. The simple task of evaluating holiday invitations and culling those that do not...

Do your friends call you a fat drunken slob? Do you wake up in the afternoon and drink out of shame? Well stop drinking...

I wasn't aware until fairly recently that there are some people out there—grown-ass adults, even—who have never had themselves a Bloody Mary. That's wrong. And...

Every man, whether he knows it or not, feels some primordial attraction for the allure of paradise. After all, down the centuries the world’s major...

Esoteric writer, punk rock legend, and drunkard of extraordinary prowess, Satan's drinking buddy Vadge Moore waxes intoxicated on the beauty of booze. First taste from...

“What do you mean you’ve never been to McSorley’s? Geez, Tom. I thought you said you were from New York.” It was a phrase I...

I've Trained It to Go Right for the Eyes. Probably the only instance in advertising history where the customer is menaced with a bird of...

Lately, many of my friends are airline pilots. And airline pilots, as everyone knows, are drunks. These friends aren't the bad kind of drunk...

The mouse who roared Well . . . maybe he is a twit. He certainly looks like an asshole. That’s the beauty of alcohol, giving...

Brian Brushwood practices a trade that could perhaps best be described as “benevolent deception.” As the writer and host of Revision3's Scam School show, Brushwood...

There is enough 150-year-old whiskey resting underground where the old river queen sank to get 130,000 people pie-eyed. It's worth five million dollars, and...

It's early Sunday morning and I don't know who I am. I don't mean that in any existential kind of way. I mean I don't...

There comes a time in every man’s life when he suddenly realizes that he has entered a new phase. He finds himself in his thirties,...

We all hate that guy. You know who I’m talking about: The guy who tries to make time with your girlfriend, knocks over your drink,...

Gary Travis picked up his pace. The wind was up and a fast chill was sweeping into the night. He would be early for...

  The Problem  The Drink  The Solution You lost your job. Brutal Hammer 1 part cheapest vodka 1 part cheapest burgundy Cynically throw in a few ice cubes. Drink ten of these and pass...