Modern Drunkard Magazine

Vomiting is one of those subjects people often try to graze over when discussing drinking. They prefer to center on the glamorous aspects of...

Do your friends call you a fat drunken slob? Do you wake up in the afternoon and drink out of shame? Well stop drinking out...

Hello! My name is Pancho. I have come to spit up on your carpet. Hello! My name is Pancho These are my friends. They like your beer, And...

This Public Service Announcement, and accompanying literary dramatization, is brought to you by Active Alcoholics, or AA. We are aware that you may have...

I’m in a pub in Malta, full of retired British men passing the evening the proper way. I sit on a tall bar stool...

Drink Like a Grown-Up By The League of Extraordinary Drinkers Truer Title: Drink Like a Smug Hipster The book starts out well enough— raising a hue and...

It’s a little after ten in the morning on a Saturday, I’ve just retrieved a bucket of ice, and the phone rings. I set the...

When the white god Viracocha mysteriously appeared in South America, he taught the people he met all the “arts of civilization”: astronomy, geometry, agriculture...

1.) The One-Ounce Pours You cannot grasp the character of a beer from a one-ounce pour. It's akin to licking a steak. Furthermore, even if...

Gift Tips Whenever you open a non-liquor gift, loudly proclaim, “Oh, great, how the fuck am I supposed to drink this?” They'll know what to get...

Sylvanus Thayer—whose name sounds like a lizard-rat-man hybrid Lord Voldemort would keep caged for dark-magic rape rituals—took command of West Point in 1817. Within a...

THE RUMOR Workers at the Corona brewery in Mexico urinate in the beer vats.     False. This persistent rumor started in the mid-1980s and spread like...

The perennial comic strip “Andy Capp” has recently been banished from the Washington Post as an evil influence, and small wonder. In Andy’s world there...

I staggered through the gauntlet of scantily-clad tribeswomen and their brutal staffs rained down like the Devil's own hailstorm. I gritted my teeth against...

The legendary libation was allegedly devised by an 18th-century alchemist/adventurer named Marquis Ferdinand D’Etatis, the very same ‘Mad Marquis’ who led the famous grog...

If you are reading MDM, you are probably already a brother of mine. Here I urge you to spread your faith. We have many...