Today's Reason to Drink
Articles
Tis the Season to Get Falling Down Drunk
Gift Tips
Whenever you open a non-liquor gift, loudly proclaim, “Oh, great, how the fuck am I supposed to drink this?”
They'll know what to get...
The Hell You Say: Brutally Honest Reviews of All Things Boozed
Drink Like a Grown-Up
By The League of Extraordinary Drinkers
Truer Title: Drink Like a Smug Hipster
The book starts out well enough— raising a hue and...
Boozing with the Bible
Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink; that continue until night, till wine inflame them!...
The United Altered States
“The United States of America” has always been a misnomer. “States of America,” yes. “United?” Well…
In the sense that we’re all stuck together, that...
The Decadent Decade
When I mentioned to a stranger that this magazine was about to celebrate its tenth year in publication, he reacted with violent dismay.
“Ten years?”...
Ode To Dionysus
Ode to Dionysus
O Dionysus, greatest and best
Your mercy shall forever last
Your justice will never fail
On your endowments, civilizations rest 4
An inferior faith, baptism once...
The Beer Brewing Monkeys of Borneo
Long thought the figment of sailors’ over-active imaginations, recent studies have proven the existence of savvy primates who know how to make fermented brew...
The Naked and the Dead Drunk
“There are no gentlemen in Denver,” my mentor Giles Humbert III said, “thus there are no gentlemen’s clubs.”
“Sure there are,” I said. “The phone book...
Cads, Rakes and Bounders
Does a drink cadged from a stranger taste far superior to one earned by the sweat of your brow?
Are you immune to the slightest...
Best Bar Moves
The Barstool Hunker
This popular move (though there’s not much actual moving involved) is usually practiced in dives that cater to regulars.
How it’s done: First...
Drink Yourself Silly
Inebriation is, as we all know, a pretty goddamn good time.
It puts a spin on the world — physically and metaphorically — and opens...
Stand Up Comedy and Falling Down Drunk with Doug Stanhope
Writer, producer and star of Fox’s Invasion of the Hidden Cameras and a regular guest on the Howard Stern Show and Spy-TV, Doug Stanhope...
The Lush Lexicon: Buzz Words for Booze Heads
“Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.”
Confused? You should be. Bar slang is...
Adventures with Alcohol: The Binge That Changed History
In the turbulent spring of 1970, Richard Nixon had recently sent 50,000 troops into Cambodia, the U.S. Congress had just dumped the nomination of...
Boozing For Love in All the Wrong Faces
So I got a little roughed up last time.
You can’t just sit there and lick your wounds all night. What you do is pour...
Soused Cinema: Movie Reviews
The Nutty Professor (1963)
Dir: Jerry Lewis/Wr: Jerry Lewis & Bill Richmond
If asked to list the greatest alky films of all time, most critics would...
Ladies Thirst, Part 1
If you read enough of the historical articles in this publication you might start getting the idea that women didn’t used to drink.
Which...
The Party Stops for Nobody
On a lanky, man-shaped landmass just off the western coast of Florida, sandwiched between the massive Gulf of Mexico and Little Sarasota Bay, chaos...
Teetering Above It All
Every dedicated drinker knows what they’re really doing it for. It’s not our health — it’s training.
You know what I’m talking about. Some freaks...