1 Latrobe Brewing Co. founded (1939). The “33” on Rolling Rock bottles is an homage to a copywriter’s typo. Rolling Rock.
2 Vandals sack Rome (477). Rally your tribe and invade a snooty wine bar.
Fall of Rome
2 oz Dry vermouth
1 oz Brandy
Dash Rose’s Lime Juice
Pour vermouth and brandy into glass, add lime, fill with orange juice, stir. Splash brandy on top, serve with straw.
3 Cain murdered Abel (Hebrew). Stick your bro with the tab. Top shelf liquor.
4 Socrates’ Birthday (469 BC). Beware of cocktails mixed by enemies.
1 oz vodka
1 oz Parfait D’Amour
1 oz bitter lemon.
Mix the liquor, top with bitter lemon.
5 Pancho Villa’s Birthday (1878). Last words: “Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” Pancho Villa Tequila.
6 Anniversary of D-Day. Fullbore drunkards FDR and Churchill drive stake in that evil teetotaler Hitler’s heart. Steel Reserve 211.
7 Dean Martin’s Birthday (1917). “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they’re going to feel all day.” Scotch rocks.
8 Name Your Poison Day. Build up your immunity to the nasty stuff. You name it.
9 The Witch Is Dead Day. Hatchet-wielding, saloon-smashing prohibitionist Carrie nation croaks in 1911. Saloon whiskey.
10 Alcoholics Anonymous established. Where the bad drunks go.
So Long Sucker
1 oz Absolut Kurant
1 oz Absolut Citron
1 oz Apple Pucker
1 oz Blue Maui
Shake with ice, strain.
11 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Fake a note from your doctor. 3.2 beer.
12 Baseball is invented (1839). Drinking beer takes on a whole new meaning. Pitcher of beer.
13 Alexander the Great drinks himself to death (323 BC). The “I Just Conquered The Whole Damn World Party” got a little out of hand. Brandy Alexander.
14 Che Guevera’s (1928) and Donald Trump’s (1946) Birthdays. Pick a fight with yourself. Expensive champagne and cheap tequila.
15 Waylon Jennings Birthday (1937). Outlaw musician was one of Buddy Holly’s Crickets. Moonshine.
16 Day of the Rat (Buddhist). “Never rat on a rat.”—Rat Pack’s official motto. Whatever you can steal.
17 Battle for Bunker Hill Day (1775). Defend your barstool to the bitter end. PBR.
18 Battle of Waterloo (1815). Reenact the battle in your stomach with cognac and gin. You heard me.
19 Miller High Life unleashed on the drinking public (1903). Named after a brand of cigar. Miller High Life.
20 Errol Flynn’s Birthday (1909). Raise a stiff one to the swashbuckling souse.
In Like Flynn Cocktail
1 1/2 oz spiced rum
1 1/2 oz Irish Mist
Mix and shoot.
21 Gin and Tonic Season begins. You can now drink G&Ts without any risk to your masculinity. Gin and tonic.
22 Zeppelin Day. Drink it up and burn it down.
1 oz Bacardi 151
1/2 oz peppermint schnapps
1/2 oz Southern Comfort
1/2 oz tequila
Layer with 151 rum on top. Ignite, blow it out, shoot.
23 St. Agrippina Day. Patron saint against evil spirits, leprosy and thunder. Grappa.
24 Feast of the Sun (Aztec). Drink ‘til the sun comes up. Sol Cervesa.
25 Anniversary of Custer’s Last Stand (1876). Make your own stand at the bar.
1/2 oz ouzo
1/2 oz vodka
6 drops Tabasco Sauce
Mix and shoot.
26 Bicycle patented (1819). “Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.”—W.C. Fields. Fat Tire.
27 Death of Julian the Blessed Festival (Roman). Jules, baby! We never even knew ya, kid! Strega.
28 Paul Bunyan Day. Imagine that poor bastard’s bar tabs. Beer, straight from the pitcher.
29 St. Peter’s Day. Patron saint of clockmakers, fishermen, Russia; against fever, foot trouble and wolves. Red Wolf Red Ale.
30 Superman debuted in print (1938). Booze ‘til you’re bulletproof.
1 oz Midori melon liqueur
1/2 oz Rumple Minze
1/2 oz Goldschlager
1 oz shot Bacardi 151
Pour into shot glass, layer with 151.