1 Boris Yeltsin’s Birthday (1931). Doing multiple shots of vodka on stage was one of his populist campaign tricks. Chilled double Stolis.
2 Groundhog Day. If he sees his shadow, get loaded. If he doesn’t see his shadow, get loaded.
The Shadow Knows
1 oz black sambuca
1 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
1/2 oz Bacardi 151 Rum
Layer Bailey’s over sambuca. Top with Bacardi.
3 Heroes Day (Mozambique). “Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.”—Samuel Johnson. Heroic amounts of brandy.
4 The Bacardi Distillery is founded in Cuba (1862). There’s a bat on the label because bats would pass out in the distillery’s vats. Bacardi and Coke.
5 Bob Marley Day (Jamaica). Touch base with your weedhead buddies. Red Stripe.
6 Babe Ruth’s Birthday (1895). Contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t really pointing to where he was going to hit the ball. He was just trying to get a beer vendor’s attention. Overpriced crappy beer in a plastic cup.
7 National Hangover Awareness Day. Some of us ‘celebrate’ this ‘holiday’ every morning.
Hair of the Dog
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. whiskey
1/4 oz. Tabasco Sauce
1/4 oz. salt
Pour Tabasco, tequila and whiskey into a shot glass. Lay salt on top.
8 Mass for Broken Needles (Japanese). The bane of seamstresses and DJs alike. Sake.
9 Feast Day of Apollo (Greek). The Sun God must be appeased! Tequila Sunrise.
10 Creation Day (Mayan). On this day in 3641 B.C. the Mayans reckoned Tepen and Gucmats created the world.
God’s Great Creation
2 1/2 oz whiskey
1 oz peach schnapps
5 tblsp orange-banana fruit punch (frozen)
Juice of one lemon
Pour whiskey and peach schnapps over ice cubes in a highball glass. Add frozen punch (no water). Squeeze in lemon juice and top with Pepsi. Stir well.
11 Empire Day (Japan). Yeah, maybe next time, Tojo. Kamikaze.
12 Charles Darwin’s Birthday (1809). Celebrate the genius who made monkeys of us all..
1 1/2 oz Irish cream
1 oz Dark rum
1 1/2 oz Cognac
Mix in order. Do not stir. Serve in brandy snifter.
13 Oliver Reed’s Birthday (1938). His check still hangs on the wall of the Malta bar where he drank nearly two bottles of rum and 20 pints with British sailors. Old Navy Rum.
14 St. Valentine’s Day. Patron saint of kidney disease and, uh, romantic stuff. Champagne at a fancy restaurant or whiskey sours with your cat.
15 National Sea Monkey Day. I am not making this up. Brass Monkey.
16 The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was formed from the The Jolly Corks, a drinking society. If my uncle’s behavior is any indication, the only thing they changed was the name. Jagermeister.
17 Feast of Fools (Ancient Rome). Take your friends to dinner, then pretend to have forgotten your wallet. Expensive wine.
18 Spenta Armaiti (Zoroastrian). Ancient hippy festival. Jug wine.
19 Lee Marvin’s Birthday (1924). Drink like a man, goddamn you. Bourbon from the bottle.
20 Northern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day. At high noon everyone yells “Hoodie-Hoo” to chase away winter and usher in spring.
1 oz ouzo
1 oz vodka
1 tblsp cinnamon schnapps
Shake with ice, strain, shout Hoodie-Hoo and shoot.
21 Polaroid Camera introduced (1947). Drunken foolishness now readily transferable to bar walls. Shot of Beam while flipping the bird.
22 National Margarita Day. Gee, what shall we drink? Margarita.
23 Terminalia (Roman). Celebration of the Roman God of Boundaries, superceding the Feast of That God Who Collected Oddly Shaped Rocks.
1 1/2 oz Rumple Minze
1 1/2 oz black sambuca
Half fill shot glass with Rumple, top off with sambuca.
24 Flight of Kings Feast (Roman). Chase your boss down the street with a stick. Little Kings Cream Ale.
25 International Quiet Day. Oh, yeah? Who’s gonna enforce it? The U.N.? Those guys are pussies! Loud mouth soup (Dewar’s neat).
26 Jackie Gleason (1916) and Johnny Cash’s Birthday (1932). And awaaaay we go to the bar. Scotch served neat in a teacup.
27 Runic Half-Month of Tyr begins. That’s according to the cosmic pillar.
Any Reason to Drink Cocktail
1 oz vodka
1 oz gin
1 oz rum
Mix the liquor, top with Sprite, garnish with lime.
28 St. Oswald of York’s Day. He was also known as St. Oswald of Worcester. Everybody loved that goddamn monk. Old English Malt Liquor.
29 Leap Year Day. In Estonia it’s traditional to jump over a wicker chair. Those kooky, fun-loving Estonians sure know how to party.
Leap Year Cocktail
1 1/4 oz gin
1/2 oz Grand Marnier
1/2 oz sweet vermouth
1/4 tsp lemon juice
Shake ingredients with ice, strain.