Key: Holiday. Pithy comment. Suggested holiday libation.
August
1 Modern Drunkard Magazine was unleashed on the drinking public (1996). Rise up, boozehead! Anything and everything.
2 Peter O’Toole’s Birthday (1932). “I was so drunk I thought I was Peter O’Toole.”—Richard Burton. Irish whiskey.
3 Feast of Caligo (Roman). All hail the Mother of Chaos! Mix whatever’s on hand in a bucket.
4 St. Sithney’s Day. Patron saint of mad dogs. Something frothy.
5 Andy Capp debuted in Britain’s Daily Mirror (1957). Best comic strip ever. As many pints as your lady will buy you.
6 Robert Mitchum’s Birthday (1917). “The only difference between me and my fellow actors is that I’ve spent more time in jail.”
Extended Jail Sentence
1 oz Jack Daniels
1 oz Southern Comfort
1 oz Gold tequila
Flash blend with ice, serve.
7 Customer Appreciation Day. Hip your bartender to this one. One on the cuff.
8 Anniversary of the Great Train Robbery (1963). Pub pals make off with $7 million. Beer with your more ambitious buddies.
9 National Polka Day. Doesn’t sound so bad if you’re really, really drunk. Steins of beer.
10 St. Lawrence of Rome’s Day. Patron saint of cooks, protector of vineyards. Cooking sherry.
11 Puck Fair (Irish). In Ireland Puck is often blamed for finishing pub-goers’ drinks. Your barstool neighbor’s drink.
12 International Youth Day. When they march past the pub, taunt them with your drink. Aged scotch.
13 Don Ho’s Birthday (1930). Patron saint of fat drunk guys in loud Hawaiian shirts. Tiki drinks.
14 Trifon Zaresan Festival. Bulgarian wine drinking celebration. Bulgarian wine.
15 Liechtenstein National Day. The populace of this tiny monarchy drink more per capita than anyone on the planet.
Mighty Mouse
1 oz Vodka
3/4 oz Triple sec
3/4 oz Grenadine
Mix and shoot.
16 Charles Bukowski’s Birthday (1920). Open and close a dive. Thunderbird.
17 Feast of the Hungry Ghosts (China). Remember: Ghosts are afraid of whiskey. Whiskey.
18 Bad Poetry Day. That’s every day for some of you. Port.
19 Burn Witch Burn Day (1609). Among the crimes the Salem witches were accused of was making good beer go bad.
Frisky Witch
1 1/2 oz Black Sambuca
1 1/2 oz Vodka
Mix and shoot.
20 National Homeless Animals Day. If activists tied a bottle of scotch around every stray’s neck, they would all be adopted immediately. And named Lucky. Lucky Lager.
21 National Forgiveness Day. Good day to test the endurance of those 86s. Whatever you can get away with.
22 Dorothy Parker’s Birthday (1893). “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” At least four martinis.
23 Anniversary of the Death of William “Braveheart” Wallace. When they cruelly drag you out of the pub, make sure you roar, “Freedom! Freedom!” Scotch.
24 Festival of Vulcan and the Nymphs (Roman). Vulcan was a forerunner of Hef. Jello shot.
25 Sean Connery’s Birthday (1930). The one true Bond. Martini.
26 Woman’s Equality Day. Let the ladies pick up the tab. Top shelf.
27 Feast of Incandescent Rebellion (China). Light up a dim dive with your sparkling personality. Flaming drinks.
28 St. Augustine of Hippo’s Day. Patron saint of brewers wrote that God didn’t mind the occasional bender. Trappist ale.
29 Pardon the Sea Day (British). Damned polite of them, considering all the sailors they’ve lost. Grog.
30 Aga-Ou Festival (Voodoo). Top notch voodoo elephant festival. Voodoo Spiced Rum.
31 Snake Dance Festival (Hopi). Best performed after falling off a barstool. King Cobra Malt Liquor.
