First drink: I was seven years old, hanging with my father and sister. He bought a six pack of Coors and a six pack of mini Coors for us girls. We drank it as my pops drove us around in his Porsche 914.

First mixed drink: I stole a bottle of dry vermouth from my mom’s bar (the only one they forgot to lock up). I drank the whole thing and I hate wet martinis to this day.

Cocktail and shot of choice: Besides beer, it’s double tall gin and tonics and chilled Tuaca, double short.

How much and how often: As much as possible any time I want. It’s kinda vague. On a good night 10 maybe 12. On a pussy night 5. That’s shots alone, not including beers or drinks.

Drunkest ever: I’d have to say Vegas at the Bartending Convention 2001. We never made it to the actual event. We ended up in Old Town Vegas. I was walking around bare-footed and my friends were bitching at me for not keeping up. “I hate all you fuckers!” I was screaming. I’m not allowed to drink brown alcohol in public (Tuaca aside) cuz I usually wind up hurting myself or someone else. Anyway. I started in on the whiskey and when we got back to the MGM Grand I fell down and told everyone there who was helping me up to lick me.

Most stops you’ve made in one night: That I can remember, seven. It was the Lions Lair, Williams Tavern, Cricket on the Hill, 15th St. Tavern, Nettie’s 2, then the Lair and Nettie’s 2 again.

Why so many?Because my initials are AA and I must fight to avoid being stereotyped.

Surefire hangover cure: Sex . . . hot greasy sex. Watching B movies and then going back to sleep. If you don’t have cable then Dr. Who is always there as an excellent alternative.

Favorite bar: Lion’s Lair. I’ve been going there every other day since I could pass for 21. My second favorite is Williams Tavern and not just because I work there. I actually love the place.

Favorite bar on the road: It’s in Utah. I can’t remember the name of the place so i’ll make it up. It’s called the I wish I Could Tavern. Great place. Nice people.

Drinking heroes: James Dean, Janis Joplin (Good ol’ Southern Comfort), Wendy O from the Plasmatics, Jackie Gleason, Sid Vicious and Nancy too. . . well, nah, fuck her. Stupid fucking slut.

Favorite drinking song: The sound of a straw slurping at the bottom of an empty glass.

Best qualities in a bartender: Great smile, a good sense of humor and a great pour. A nice ass doesn’t hurt.

Worst qualities in a bartender: Slow service, acts mean then won’t lick me right. I’ve had every bartender I’ve ever wanted. They always give in to me.

What makes a good drunk great: One who’ll give you a good slap in the face, a good kick in the pants, and who’ll buy you a handful of peanuts from The Little Nut Hut.

Best household uses for alcohol: Any sort of a protein-based stain has no chance. Also if there’s roaches, dump some Bacardi 151 on them and light ‘em on fire.Works every time.

Drunkard Gear