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Drunkard Rights Watch


Rights Watch

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MADDMADD Demands Interlocks in All Vehicles
WASHINGTON, DC—MADD wants alcohol detection devices in every vehicle in America. After first stating they only wanted them in the vehicles of first-time DUI offenders, MADD came right out and admitted they would prefer to have them in every vehicle on the road, whether the driver has ever had a drink or not.

The same intrusive tactic was briefly attempted in 1973, when the federal government mandated that every new vehicle come equipped with a device that would prevent it from starting unless the safety belt was engaged. Drivers quickly figured out how to dismantle the devices and the initiative failed miserably.

Will the devices monitor for cell phone use while driving, which every study on the subject has concluded is more dangerous than driving legally drunk? No. In fact, MADD still issues cell phones to members so as to call in potential drunk drivers on the road. The irony being, they’ll probably be calling in another cell phone user. Another possible reason MADD has refused to address the cell phone issue might have something to do with the donations (or hush money, if you will) wireless companies make to MADD.

Big BrotherWant a Beer? First We Have to Book You For Future Crimes
LONDON—Drinkers in the U.K. could soon be asked to leave their fingerprints and personal data at the bar every time they buy a pint in a pub or club. Bar owners who refuse to comply will have their liquor licenses revoked.

The checks are part of a scheme, set to be introduced nationwide, to reduce crime and keep troublemakers out of every pub or club in their town or city.

But human rights campaigners oppose the plan, saying it smacks of Big Brother and assumes drinkers are “guilty until proven innocent.”

Guy Herbert, of privacy campaign group No2ID, said, “People are having to post bail in the form of their fingerprints merely to have a drink.”

And since the Thought Police know you’re going to commit a crime eventually, they might as well book you now and save themselves the hassle later.

HolyMuslim Cabbies Refuse Passengers Carrying Alcohol
MINNEAPOLIS—When flight attendant Eva Buzek returned to Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport from France and told a cab driver to be careful with her bag because there was wine inside, she was shocked at the response she got from the Somali Muslim driver.

“He said, ‘I don’t take alcohol,’ ” Buzek said. She was then refused service by three more drivers. A month later, Buzek told cabdrivers that she had wine in her bag even though she did not, just to test responses. She said four drivers refused her service that time as well.
About 3/4 of the 900 taxi drivers who serve the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport are Somali Muslims.

“Some people have been refused by driver after driver after driver,” said Pat Hogan, a spokesman for the Metropolitan Airports Commission.

Last month, the commission proposed putting colored lights on top of cabs to indicate which ones will carry alcohol, a compromise worked out in discussions ongoing since May with the Muslim American Society of Minnesota. But the commission got about 2,000 emails opposing the idea and announced this month that it had scuttled the plan.

“Opposition came from both sides politically,” Hogan said. “There are people who say, ‘If they don’t like the job, they should go back to Somalia.’ And on the other side people are saying, ‘We support diversity, but the Christian right is trying to tell us what to do, and now we’re getting it from Muslims, too.’ People were saying they wouldn’t take a cab at all. There was concern the industry as a whole would suffer.”

Email the Airports Commission: [email protected]

NannyBudget Booze Banned
SEATTLE—Stores throughout much of Seattle soon will be forbidden to sell cheap, strong beers and wines.

The 29 banned beverages include Thunderbird, Richard’s Wild Irish Rose and Night Train Express, Colt 45 Ice, Olde English 800 and Red Dog.

Seattle officials claim that the higher-octane beers and wines actually cause homelessness, as opposed to the idea that budget-minded homeless people might prefer beverages that give more bang for the buck.

“People think we’re just pushing drunks around,” Jordan Royer of the Liquor Control Board said. “But this is not the end of the process. This is only one part of a larger strategy.”

Perhaps the “larger strategy” will extend to banning cheap fast food, so as to eradicate poverty.

Email the Liquor Control Board: [email protected]

Big BrotherBig Brother Wants to Watch You Drink
MILWAUKEE—All of Milwaukee’s taverns and nightclubs could soon be forced to install security cameras to keep an eye on customers both inside and outside, under an ordinance proposed by downtown Alderman Bob Bauman.

Ed Lump, president of the Wisconsin Restaurant Association, said a small restaurant might have to spend $10,000 to $12,000 on the security cameras.

Since four times more crime takes place in private residences than commercial establishments, why not install cameras in everyone’s homes and really take a bite out of crime? Eh?

Email Alderman Bob Bauman: [email protected]

ProhibPro-Pot/Anti-Alcohol Group Trounced at Polls
DENVER—A year ago Mason Tvert, the president of SAFER (Safer Alternative for Enjoyable Recreation), laughed at the possibility of a backlash to SAFER’s diabolical anti-alcohol campaign.

Swearing to get their Colorado marijuana legalization referendum passed by any means necessary, SAFER’s neo-prohibitionist message intensified in the months leading up to the vote. Their propaganda included the labeling of bar owners and bartenders as pushers “dealing deadly drugs,” claims that drinking led to child molestation, and TV spots featuring beer bottles as tombstones. It finally reached the point that even The Denver Post compared Tvert to Carrie Nation.

Voters apparently rejected the messenger, if not the message—the referendum was soundly thrashed by a 20-point margin.

Despite their electoral beat-down, SAFER says it will continue the campaign against alcohol.
“Marijuana vs. alcohol is the end game,” Steve Fox, SAFER’s Executive Director, wrote in an email to Modern Drunkard Magazine. “If you want to start the battle now, great.”

Consider the battle joined, Stevo.

Email SAFER: [email protected]


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