Did you ever think about drinks you could drink?
There’s so many drinks if you only just think!
Such wonderful drinks! Even drinks that are pink!
Or yellow! Or purple! Even green, blue or brown.
You can think of a drink for any color around!
You can have scotch and soda. You could have gin and juice.
You can have a wine spritzer if you’re really a puss.
Have a mint julep. Or Jameson’s on ice.
Perhaps a slippery nipple’d be nice?
Margaritas! Mimosas! How about a martini?
Or bourbon? Perhaps you’d prefer a bellini? A rusty nail just might hit the spot.
Do you like tequila? Let’s do a shot!
Do you savor Sambuca? Pernod? Or Ouzo?
Oh, the drinks you can drink if you just choose to do so!
We could have Bailey’s. Kahlua. Or Jager.
But I’m getting thirsty, so do me a favor.
Make a selection and go place an order.
And please pay for mine too, ‘cause I just have a quarter.

Perhaps it’s a sign
Of greater design
Proof of the divine
Or something sublime
But the more I drink wine
The more I feel fine!
I thought it quite strange
So I examined the range —
The breadth of it all!
So much alcohol!
Tippling tequila, with one wedge of lime
Leaves me feeling lovely
The best of all time!
A sip of Sambuca, or sometimes sangria,
Supplies sense of self
With which I’m an agree’n.
And when I drink lots of beer
I have much less to fear.
When I relish my rum
The voices go dumb.
Vodka or gin can quiet the din.
When wound up on whisky
My worries grow dim!
Bourbon or scotch — it just doesn’t matter
But get me some soon.
The sooner the better.

Sometimes I drink with friends
Other times, an acquaintance
Six or seven usually seems enough
For adequate de-maintenance
I like to drink on holidays
And any celebration
I drink to the deceased
And to all of their relations
Sometimes I sip at sunset
Sometimes I drink at dawn
Beer, wine, or spirits
I beg you — bring it on!
A toast to favorite memories
To brain cells long forgotten
Let’s have another and another
‘Til our livers turn rotten!
I drink to every wedding
And to every divorce
Jim, Jack, and Johnny. And Jameson, of course
I drink to every jest
I toast to any joke
I drink until I’m drunk.
Then I drink until I’m broke.

—Max Farr