Today is the first day of the Great American Beer Festival right here in Denver, Colorado. Ah yes. Now, I know the festival is a sacred cow in the craft beer community, and it’s verboten to speak against their treachery and evil ways, but we here at Modern Drunkard Magazine have always had a problem recognizing the sanctity of sacred cows, and with keeping out mouths shut when the emperor struts on by wearing nothing but a smug and condescending sneer. So what’s our problem with the GABF? Well, it’s too long a list to go into here, but if you go to “Ten Reasons Why the GABF Sucks,” we lay it right out. It’s all about speaking truth to power, baby. And if you’re attending the festival today, I think you’ll find our article will impart a certain David Lynchian brooding to the proceedings, it will make you aware that behind that red velvet curtain, dark shapes move in the shadows.