News From the Front

Our last issue was possessed of a rather political bent and we intend to keep that ball rolling. Powerful and shadowy forces have been moving against drinkers and we intend not only to check their advance, but to counterattack on two broad fronts.

Drunkard Gear

Fortunately we are not alone, brave men have already stepped forward and raised a fist against the dry hordes who would steal our fun. Namely, Blake Harrison of Coloradans For Alcohol Choice and State Sen. Ron Tupa. Blake is commanding a small but well-organized attack on the archaic blue laws that force liquor stores to close on Sundays, when we need them the most. Blake is faced with a vast array of enemies, including, ironically enough, a wrong-headed cabal of liquor stores who insist they do not want to open on Sunday. These are plainly turncoats of the worst sort and if you know of any stores that feel differently, call the Drunkard office. We’ll immediately dispatch and an agent for an interview, and possibly a twelver.

Senator Ron Tupa has been in the trenches for two years, vainly attempting to persuade the state to roll back its drinking age to 18 (see Fighting For Your Right To Party, MDM March ‘98). But now, with thousands of underage US soldiers being sent overseas to thwart those teetotaling savages, the issue is more pertinent than ever. What sort of hypocritical politicians could with a clear conscience ask these brave Americans to make the ultimate sacrifice for their country but will not reward them with the privileges of being an American adult. The same government that allows an 18 year old to buy a gun, own property, get married, drive a car and get drafted will not allow them the simple pleasure of having a cold beer after a long day of fighting for the rest of our freedoms. 21 Means 21? Bullshit. 21 Means Evil Hypocrisy and we at the Drunkard will not rest (except when we pass out) until all Americans reap the rewards that should come hand in hand with the responsibilities. Stay alert for political rallies, marches and calls for volunteers. We will unite with our younger brothers and sisters, we will drink our fill and we will win back the rights so brazenly snatched away by the neo-prohibitionists.