The Cooper Cooler ($80)

This device is perfect for the drunkard who has everything and doesn't want to share. The Cooper calls itself a “Rapid Beverage Chilling Appliance” and what that means is it will   transform that warm beer that's been rolling around in the trunk of your car and make it ice cold in a cool minute.

The trick is that you load it with ice and water and the device spins your beverage rapidly while pumping ice water over its skin. The Cooper will do beer, fifths, wine and if you give it some time, will even make Jager ice cold. While it touts itself as a social product, I prefer to think of it as a way to keep people out of your stash: imagine never having to keep your beer in the fridge where your roommates can easily prey upon it. Imagine being able to hide your booze wherever you like, imagine a world where your beer is where you left it and rendered ice-cold in a minute.

But not explosive: though it does spin your beer quite fast there is no volcano of foam, all because of something called Henry's Law. At most there is a civilized burp of suds, a friendly little hello. Be warned: if you're feeling generous and are treating your friends to your secret supply, the Cooper will burn through ice faster than your freezer can make it. If you're not feeling so generous and looking for a discreet way to enjoy a cold beer in your office or dorm room, the Cooper is definitely for you. Get yours at: www.coopercooler.com   

Sailor Jerry's Spiced Navy Rum ($16-$25 750ml)

In this review you'll read the word “bouquet” only once. There.

Named for the legendary tattoo artist, you'll find this liquor nicely spiced and fiery in a friendly Puff-the-Magic-Dragon sort of way. I can assure you without qualification that this 92-proof contender is one of the few rums suitable for shooting straight. Which I did.

After five shots you'll feel as if you're relaxing on the deck of your own personal pirate ship; the sky is clear and the world is yours for the taking. A couple more and you and your mates may launch into lusty shanties about won battles and lost loves. As you approach the tenth visit to the well, you may become curious as to what would happen to certain objects if they were flung into a rapidly-spinning ceiling fan. Around 15 shots or so (you may lose count at this point), you'll— well, you'll probably remember as much as I do, which isn't much.

I do remember a dull hangover surprisingly mild for a heavier rum. Very hard to find fault with this winner, and unfortunately equally hard to find in liquor stores. Their website can point you in the right direction, however: http://www.sailorjerry.com/rum.php

 

Happy Hour Review

Drunkin Monkey @ Lucy's Hat Shop 247 Market Street, Philadelphia

It's a sad fact of life that one usually only gets to gorge on free food and booze during the more prominent holidays. Unless, of course, you live in Philly, where — if you've the urge to stuff yourself stupid and guzzle all the beer and vodka you can stand — you need only wait until Sunday.

Every Sunday from noon to five Lucy's Hat shop hosts the Drunkin Monkey, a five-hour bacchanalian feast that brings to mind Roman excesses, minus the vomitorium.

For $20 you get free access to domestic drafts, mimosas and the make-your-own Bloody Mary bar. Make sure you try my celebrated tomato-juice free Bloody Mary. They don't skimp on the food either: From noon ‘til 2ish you can savor their breakfast bar with omelets made to order, sausages, fruit, pancakes, bagels and more. Then Phase Two of the feast kicks in with servings of chicken wings, spring rolls and myriad other finger foods.

During my abbreviated noon-to-three spree I managed to lay waste to seven double vodkas, a pair of mimosas, a dozen sausages, five eggs, a couple of tacos and half a dozen hot wings. Which is a helluva deal for twenty bucks.

The only thing that could have been improved upon was the music: apparently D.J Top Forty was really into his “Friends” Season Two Soundtrack CD.

Keep in mind that this event is a marathon, not a sprint. Fail to pace yourself you might not make it to the hot wings, which are well worth waiting for. And make sure you schedule a post-gorge nap: you'll mostly likely need it. http://www.lucys.info/

—Tivoni Devor

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