A Slanderous Birth

The first incarnation of what was to become Modern Drunkard Magazine was a one-page death threat written by saloon keeper Hiram Flannery Rich in 1905. A response to a recent article in the Boston Globe describing his saloon as “a fine place to tarry, so long as you don’t mind poisonous whiskey and your brain bashed in by the vile brigand posing as a saloon keeper,” it was titled If There Is a Mercyful (sic) God in Heaven Jules Hollis of the Boston Globe Will Be Murderered (sic) by Suppertime. Ten hand-copied issues, each more vulgar than the last, were passed out amongst his regulars, and they went over so well he began issuing a regular newsletter.

After toying with the title Can Anyone Tell Me Why Jules Hollis Isn’t Dead Yet?, he decided to go for a broader appeal and settled upon Genteel Drunkards Drink at Hiram Rich’s Real Irish Saloon.

The first editions were, quite frankly, mostly obscenity-laden editorials about customers who snuck dogs into his saloon or owed him money, with the occasional think-piece about what horrific tortures and tribulations could be visited upon the aforementioned Mr. Hollis. Over time, however, Hiram started including less personal articles, including, “The Art of Headthumpery,” “How to Spot a Harlot,” and inventive cocktail recipes involving copper polish and various solvents.

When he lost his saloon in the Great Fire of 1909, Hiram shortened the name to The Genteel Drunkard, hired a small staff, and launched a Boston-wide edition.

Though quite controversial (on four occasions the offices of the magazine were raided by hatchet-wielding members of the Women’ Christian Temperance Union and the Ladies of Boston Insanity League), the magazine found an audience and grew to a circulation of 15,000 issues a month.

Hiram retired in 1918 and passed the thriving enterprise to his son Horace Kelly Rich, who had recently returned from thrashing the Hun in Europe.

“Only a rare and powerful combination of raving imbecility and national prohibition could screw this sweet deal up,” Hiram told his heir. “And since there’s no way this great nation would outlaw booze, you should make out fine.”