When it comes to seeking out adventure, there
is no better companion than alcohol. Think back
to the greatest adventures of your life, those scenes
so wild you sometimes wonder if you saw them in
a movie and merely adopted them as your own. It’s
a pretty good bet that alcohol had at least a cameo,
if not a leading role.
Which makes it a very valuable asset, for there
is very little adventure to be had in today’s
humdrum world. All the cool stuff has already been
done. The highest mountain tops are littered with
dozens of flags, the deepest jungles are thick with
tourists with camcorders blazing, and at least three
different minisubs have probed the inky recesses
of Loch Ness. Let’s face it: we are the inheritors
of a second-hand planet.
Which is why we have to rely so heavily on alcohol.
It’s the original genie in a bottle and it
can grant you three very important wishes that will
help you seek out adventure, even if your expedition
only takes you as far your local bar. Namely:
Self confidence. Pour a couple
drinks down your throat and suddenly you’re
a man with possibilities, with a real (if not entirely
understood) purpose in life. Most of all, you’re
a man willing to take chances, because you believe
you can actually pull it off, whether it be winning
over the girl at the next table or picking her boyfriend’s
pocket. As Admiral Peary pointed out, “You
will never reach your goal unless you are already
there in your mind.” And we both know there’s
nothing better than a skin full of liquor to get
us out of our minds.
Big ideas. Alcohol is an excellent
and extremely willing accomplice for any kooky idea
you might come up with. And if you don’t have
any kooky ideas in the hopper, it’s more than
happy to supply a few of its own. Van Gogh noted, “You
can never have enough ideas, so long as you’re
willing to discard the bad ones.” Is flying
to Prague to mastermind a pickpocket ring a bad
idea? Maybe. But so is whipping dogs across a sheet
of ice and cutting off your ear. But that didn’t
stop Peary or Van Gogh, now did it?
Identifying your desires. Your
real desires, not the desires society tries to foist
on you. A sober person can wander around a mall
all day without figuring out what sort of shirt
he should buy, but a drunk knows exactly what he
wants. He wants the girl at the next table, he wants
a chili dog with all the fixings, and he wants to
fly to Prague and mastermind a pickpocket ring.
But first he’d like another drink.
With alcohol as your native guide, finding adventure
is so easy you’ll probably stumble right over
it. It’s getting the hungover guy to book
the ticket to Prague that’s hard.
